would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
