Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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