Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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