Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
