I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
