the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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