hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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