you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I think my nap took me to another dimension
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
