he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize