OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
