birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i came on her dog
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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