I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
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I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
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She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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