I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
