I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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