8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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