in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Never underestimate the power of titties
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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