My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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