What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
