I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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