So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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