i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
