Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
