I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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