Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
what day is it and did you see me today?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
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