Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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