I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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