last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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