she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.