Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag