it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
