dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
