Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Randomize
