My liver just broke up with me...
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
