just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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