By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
