I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
