I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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