Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
