I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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