Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
