oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
