Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
