A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
