So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
