If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
