Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
