I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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