Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
