I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
