oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
