Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Randomize
