too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
