Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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