She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Randomize
