I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
