you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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