Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
