Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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