I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
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i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
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WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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