She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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