There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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