i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
