@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
