Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
