imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You brought string cheese to the strip club
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
How does one acquire holy water?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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