But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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