you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Randomize
