I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
