They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
