a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
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If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
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We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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